This is something I'd been considering writing about for a long time, I was going to reply to the post, but found that the comment was too long, so I'm moving it to this post.
My father always holds a sort of intellectual saloon at our place, to these gatherings are invited people who represent the cream of the intellectual society in Egypt, when I was 14 I was allowed to attend if I felt like it, my father thought it was a good idea to help my mental growth if I got acquainted with older people, he was trying to replace my friends with his.
Needless to say, it never worked in that way, but the conversations I attended were quite enlightening, I remember this one in particular, I was 15 at the time, so most of the details were overlooked, but I'm including the essence of it.
The 2 people involved were my father (Referred to as S) and a well known Egyptian writer who's well known for his atheist beliefs (Referred to as C).
S: So you believe stealing is wrong under all circumstances?
C: Absolutely
S: And if it can't be helped, if circumstances give you no other option?
C: No such thing, there's always a way around it.
S: And if you're poor, you have a sick wife and a hungry child?
C: I'll learn a trade and work
S: And if you fail to find work to provide for them?
C: Atleast we'll all die knowing that I did the right thing.
S: I sincerely pray to God that you never have to be put to that test.
Now, back to how this brief conversation affected me.
Like C, I believed there was always a way to preserve your integrity, yes, you pass through hardships, but whenever you overcome them in tact, your mettle shows for what it really is, this is a common concept for most faiths, the theory of tests as I prefer to refer to it, right?
Wrong!!
There is another more subtle way to look at it, God is very subtle in teaching us what we need to learn, failing to notice those subtle lessons, leads us to phase 2, phase 2 is much more violent, Life is violent, only by His grace are we safge within it, unscathed.
What would happen if life is let loose on us, believe me, none of us can handle it, it keeps on coming back at you, like a relentless enemy, whenever you fight it off, it comes back at you, you cannot hold life at bay.
However, this is not the end of it, this is the less subtle way of telling you something is wrong, something is missing, you need to review your stance towards your surroundings in general and your inner self in particular, the answer lies there, nothing will avail you unless you go back to putting those in order.
Usually what happens is we resort to the easier explanations, like the test, or being away from God, not praying, not doing our charity work, it's in fact usually something more subtle than that, something far simpler, but something much harder to alter, it's something to do with your inner conflicts, with what you've taken for granted.
Allow me to tell you a couple of stories.
The first one dates back to about 5 years ago, my first year of work, back to when I thought myself to be a righteous person who will not lie to protect himself, youth arrogance you may choose to call it.
I was faced with a work situation in which I had to lie to cover my own mistakes, now to me, this was unheard of, I never was a liar, I'm not about to start now, well, things started to get ugly, there was a genuine possibility that I may lose my job.
Guess what, I bailed out, I didn't lie, but I kept on going in circles till I could find an alternative job, then resigned and let my colleagues handle my mess, luckily they managed to wrap it up.
But the fact remains, when I was cornered, I didn't man up to my mistakes, I let someone else take the shit and I ran away.
Lesson learned, you're not as gorgeous as you prefer to think, you just haven't been pushed back far enough, your first test, you failed miserably.
I was about to lie to protect myself, and at the 11th hour, God offered me an alternative, a lifeline to cling onto, He led me to safety, but not till I learned the lesson was I offered this lifeline.
The other story is far more recent, it dates back about 1 year, also work related, looks like God tests us where we're strongest, another lesson to be learned, don't trust your strengths.
In my field of work, I used to pride myself at being the best, the one who was always head-hunted, after my first job, I was approached with offers, I didn't have to look for a job, jobs offered themselves to me, life couldn't get any better on the career front, I'm making very good money, am doing something I like, it's a matter of time till I reach the top.
Anyway, my boss at the time was an old friend of mine, he asked for the HR to hire me, offer me whatever it takes to get me to make the move.
I was welcomed with open arms, was given a lot of privileges, until the day came when me and my boss feel apart, we let our pride get in the way, both of us, we were equally guilty.
He decided to fire me, but was looking for a replacement, I got word of it through people I know in the HR department, so I decided to spite him by just finding another job and leaving him alone to handle the work till he could find a replacement.
Now lo and behold, I couldn't find a job, however good I proved to be, something always went wrong, I was rejected in all my applications for different reasons, I'm either over-qualified, over-budget, interviewed by someone I'd screwed long ago, my contact left the company on 2 occasions, I was even not up to standards in one application, on another occasion, they just decided they didn't need the vacancy, budget cutting at its worst.
Ok, here I am, stuck in a company with a boss that hates my gutts, wants to fire me, I'm not welcome in my office, my contract will expire in 6 months, and won't be renewed, crisis at its peak.
Worse still, all my contacts, all my skills, however a good person I am is of no avail, where have I gone wrong, how do I get out??
Despair was the theme for the next 5 months, I knew there was nothing I could do anymore, I'd tried everything I know.
Till one day I had a conversation with this guy (my boss), we were very open, 2 enemies coming to the table to offer terms, it went superficially well, but I knew that still inside, he wasn't satisfied, he wanted to break me, to humiliate me, however one word he told me that really pierced through, that's a direct quote.
"You know, I've known you for very long, you were always good at what you do, whatever path you took, roads would open up to you, your talent with numbers is undeniable, you're very straight forward, very honest, but, you one word comes to mind when I see you "Laho fi 7'alkehe 7ekam", you do not deserve the gift God has given you, you do not deserve your talents, God gave you everything and you throw it all in his face cause you're impatient for more, you want more cause you believe you deserve more, you've become so conceited that nothing satisfies you anymore, go out, seek more, you'll never get it, cause you got what you deserved."
Well, it was then that it struck me, I had taken the gifts God gave me for granted, I considered them mine, not something that can be taken away, or worse, something that I can't use unless I was granted permission to use it, unless Rabbena Ye2mor.
It was then that I made the choice that I'm to look no more, to let go of my pride, to accept humility as it comes, it is God's will that at this stage I should taste humility, I should learn to live with the fact that nothing I do will help me unless He grants it.
2 weeks later, my boss resigned, I was off the leash, he was replaced by someone who re-instated me in my position, gave me all my privileges back and treated me fairly.
1 month more, I was contacted by the company that had decided they didn't want anyone in that position anymore, they had changed their minds and were actively recruiting me, at very decent terms, life was again looking brighter.
Now, it's always been like that for me, life would close up, all paths would be blocked, until I learned what was wrong with me, when I knew what was wrong and accepted it as a short-coming in me, things would open up again.
This is what I've picked along the way, I may be wrong, maybe what applies to me doesn't apply to the next guy, let's discuss.
