Polarity

Lately I've noticed that we live in a society which has slowly moved to the edges of human conception.

On the one hand, we have the fundamentalists (Both Muslim and Christian), who seem to be preaching a return to the roots of their respective religions. However, as much as I respect the self-restraint in quelling ones desires, I do believe that to them, religion is no longer a path to take, it is simply an entity, one that that can be respected - or even followed blindly - or ridiculed.

While I do tend to understand, somehow I've found it really disturbing how they've turned their teachings into some sort of morally tangible asset, it simply gives one's beliefs the ability to be insulted - which happens everyday - or ridiculed. To them, it's simply a source of pride, nothing more, nothing less. However, they do tend to forget more fundamental aspects of their beliefs, simply cause of their inability to let their own ego go.

Then, on the other hand, there's the new trend of kids, the ones you'll see when you go to - more or less - high society outings.

These differ in one fundamental aspect, they detest religious belief in anyway, their self-restrain is quite conspicuous for its absence, they live for the moment and barely look further than tonight's outing, their pride in science and realism is quite admirable, everything is explicable that way.

Again, I do admire their courage in speaking their beliefs - or lack thereof - but I fail to see humans inside this shell, while these people are fun to be with or around, their presence is an invitation to all sorts of worldly calamities.

Their lack of self-restraint is appaling at best, disgusting at worst, they're merely shells that look like humans, nothing more, nothing less.

I have to ask myself, what happenned to our age-old traditions of mediation, what happenned to our people, why are there two swings of this pendulum?

I yearn to meet someone who I can safely interact with, without fear of their loose manners or their ferocity in defending their ideas.

I can only hope I suppose.

Human Mind

Strange this mind of our's is, here's what I found out recently.

I've had some hearing problems for the last 4 years, my right ear seems to be slowly fading away, people who know me notice that I hear better when you're on my left side.

Anyway, about 10 days ago I discovered that I'd been reading sub-consciously reading people's lips for quite some time, this happenned when I was sitting with Sarah, she was speaking, I could understand every words, then she decided to have a puff of her cigarette, so her hand obscured her lips from my sight, the one word she said in that moment was the only one I didn't get in that sentence.

I've been experimenting ever since, this was confirmed last friday at the concert me and Sarah attended, I couldn't hear the voclist quite well, I knew Sarah was singing along beside me, so I just turned around and started reading the lyric from her lips.

How long I've had this, I have no clue, but obviously I learned it unknowingly and probably it's been there for a long time, strange, right?

Another strange thing is that I've confirmed another thing that I'd doubted about me, I tend to overly lose focus and absent-minded when I'm feeling down or something is pre-occupying me.

The last time this happenned, I kept on holding a door while it was being closed till it actually closed on my hand, hmmmm.

Looks like my head is where everything else is, both good and bad.

Maybe I'm telepathic as well, or I can do some telekinesis, who knows, the possibilities are quite staggering.

That was it dudes and dudettes for today, nothing special, just plain weird.

Where had I gone

I have no clue what triggerred these events in the last few days.

I had been feeling really down, over-stressed, unappreciated and isolated.

This had led me to do stupid things like picking fights with everyone, my inability to take the lightest of practical jokes and a certain un-craving for life in general, I even beat one of my colleagues at work.

My temper was getting out of hand to the extent that I was called last thursday to the C.F.O.'s office asking me to leave earlier than usual as I was causing too many problems, he told me to go fix my own problems over the weekend and come back on sunday with a clearer head.

Well, I am glad to announce that it was all in my head, nothing more, nothing less.

Certain attitudes around me were stepping on my nerves, cause of my usual habit of associating different - sometimes unrelated - events together to try and form a pattern.

I was getting the wrong patterns.

Anyway, I'm back, I hope permanently this time.

Swamped, cornered, choking

Looks like life is not about what I want anymore, it's again back to keeping everyone else happy.

I don't even have time of my own, everyone has to put in their sixpence on the apartment preparations for my upcoming marriage, how to handle things, what to do, what not to do.

I hate this, everyone wants to invite us or wants us to invite them.

I want to get this all over with and concentrate on more important things, like building a home, like building a life, but hell, no, everyone keeps swamping me with details, with phone calls, with early morning discussions while I'm having a leak.

Damn it people, I want no advice, no details, I hate details, I changed my job cause I hate details, I don't want to hear the words money of pound anymore, just release me.

I want my own time, my own life, I want to go home and speak of something other than carpenters, electricians, plumbers and masons.

Why can't everyone just leave me be?!!!!

I'm doing my part, compromising - yet again - to everyone, but I hate compromising to people's whims.

I don't mind standing up to my responsibilities, I don't mind urgency, I don't mind every possible nuisance, just walk all over me while you're at it.

I do mind indulging every person's priorities before my own, I do mind being held back to contemplate all the details, I do mind being cornered in a very tight schedule cause nobody wants to exert the effort of prioritising rationally.

Everyone, just fuck off!!!!!!