Polarity

Lately I've noticed that we live in a society which has slowly moved to the edges of human conception.

On the one hand, we have the fundamentalists (Both Muslim and Christian), who seem to be preaching a return to the roots of their respective religions. However, as much as I respect the self-restraint in quelling ones desires, I do believe that to them, religion is no longer a path to take, it is simply an entity, one that that can be respected - or even followed blindly - or ridiculed.

While I do tend to understand, somehow I've found it really disturbing how they've turned their teachings into some sort of morally tangible asset, it simply gives one's beliefs the ability to be insulted - which happens everyday - or ridiculed. To them, it's simply a source of pride, nothing more, nothing less. However, they do tend to forget more fundamental aspects of their beliefs, simply cause of their inability to let their own ego go.

Then, on the other hand, there's the new trend of kids, the ones you'll see when you go to - more or less - high society outings.

These differ in one fundamental aspect, they detest religious belief in anyway, their self-restrain is quite conspicuous for its absence, they live for the moment and barely look further than tonight's outing, their pride in science and realism is quite admirable, everything is explicable that way.

Again, I do admire their courage in speaking their beliefs - or lack thereof - but I fail to see humans inside this shell, while these people are fun to be with or around, their presence is an invitation to all sorts of worldly calamities.

Their lack of self-restraint is appaling at best, disgusting at worst, they're merely shells that look like humans, nothing more, nothing less.

I have to ask myself, what happenned to our age-old traditions of mediation, what happenned to our people, why are there two swings of this pendulum?

I yearn to meet someone who I can safely interact with, without fear of their loose manners or their ferocity in defending their ideas.

I can only hope I suppose.

Define yourself

I know it's been long, but somehow I'd felt like there was nothing in me to write about, ironically today, I do have something to talk about.

It's been quite stormy lately, however, there's always a light at the end of the tunnel, only, sometimes it's the train that coming to run you over and get it over with.

Anyway, I'd been contemplating certain events, choices, crossroads and trying to find out whether I was right or wrong to take them, also, if I were wrong, where did I go wrong?

I sat down, remembered a few conversations that defined certain times of my life, all of a sudden it dawned on me that I had failed to actually define myself.

Some people would say it's our choices that define us, I'll take that with a pinch of salt, it must be deeper than this.

Other people will tell you that it's our aspirations, our intentions that define us, again, too theoretical for my liking.

I believe it's our boundaries that define us, not our potentials or our capabilities, it's our moral and mental boundaries, let me tell you a small story of myself when I was much younger, a 20 year old story, back from when I was 11.

I had switched schools, moved to a better school (or so my parents told me at the time), at 11, guys begin taking the transition into adulthood (Physical ofcourse), the time when you're waiting for your beard to grow, waiting to go out on your first date, waiting for the first time you wake up and find you ejaculated while you were asleep, forgive the wording, but I'm not in a mood to pick my words.

Naturally, it varies from one guy to another, some take the transition at 11, others later on, but that's not what I'm here to discuss, what I'm here to discuss is the mental change that goes with it, the ego growth for a boy who feels he's now a man.

First thing I noticed at my new school is that there were gangs amongst the students, I was the new comer, so I wasn't in any of the gangs/coalitions, then came the first fight, like in-mates in a prison, testing the mettle of the new comer, I still remember the guy who picked the fight, he was a short scrawny fellow, I was quite large for my age, naturally I beat him, I was taller and heavier, he stood no chance, then followed his gang, and for the first time I was exposed to a gang beating for 5 minutes I lay on the floor being kicked by 7 or 8 guys, some pulled their belts and started whipping me with them, my best hope was to cover my face and my eyes.

Next week, another fight similar to the first, different names, different faces, same scenario.

I did notice though, that there was another guy who nobody seemed to touch, he wasn't particularly strong, but they all let him be, for some reason this guy had the space and he also inspired fear in them.

Until one day ( 3 years later) I asked him how come he was left unmolested, when people would come from different buildings to pick on me even though I was fitter than him and a better fighter, and he gave me the answer.

" Cause you're a coward, you beat one of them, but you never make any of them bleed, you never hurt, you simply subdue, so they know that you're not dangerous to fight with, they'll beat you and you'll tickle them, you're too scared to draw out blood, too scared to hurt."

Next week, I had another fight, but this time I decided I wasn't going to be so soft anymore, I nearly killed one of them, I can still remember how I kept banging his head on a wall.

Next week, another fight, same scenario, except this time it was in the street in front of school and I threw the guy in front of a moving car.

Lo and behold, nobody came my way anymore.

I, too decided not to fight again, and I haven't, last time I fought I was 15, after that I was simply not interested in fighting, I'd let insults pass, cause I was simply not interested, I knew that if I let my temper rise again, I'd cause someone some serious harm and I had a future to look out for.

Now, jumping forward 16 years later, I still have a boundary, I never ever cross it, in verbal confrontations ofcourse, but somehow I'm beginning to wonder if I should for once let loose all the anger, if I should overlook my own standards and hit back, way below the belt, like everyone's doing to me, how would I feel?

The more important question is, how will I define myself after this eruption, what will I lose and what will I gain, or will I simply lose without gaining?

What do you think?

Vini, Vidi

Just some disjointed thoughts of some things I see in people all around.

I see people battling to prove something that was proved long ago, take the next step and act instead of looking astonished.

I see people who are described as honest, is honest the right word or is rude a more fitting description?

I see some people who've lost things that were never their's, to them I say, you lose you learn, be careful who you stand up against next time.

I see ghosts of the past rising, to them I say, that was long ago, in the past you belong, in the past you stay.

I see a beautiful smile, keep it up, it's the only thing that makes it worth it.

I see a desperate soul, to you I say, you taught me not to despair, do you really need a lesson from me?

I see alien thoughts, some are good, some are bad, to all of us I say, treat them like you'd treat a snake, milk it for it's poison, but remember that at the end of the day it's still a poison, never ever forget that

A trip down memory lane

Well, today I drove the wifey to work, then headed to my own work.

Just as I dropped her off, I had this urge to listen to this CD that the wifey had gotten me back from Prague, I pulled over, walked to the trunk, looked for it and found it.

I played it and suddenly I was back 8 months in time to the day she gave me that CD, I remembered every day of the month before she accepted my proposal of marriage.

Each and every single track of this CD has a memory for me, some good and some painful, but it was a good feeling re-visiting that period, remembering every word, every smile and every car trip I had listening to this music.

Strange what music does, don't you think ?

Quote of the day

A blind man knows not the difference between those who push him to excel and those who push him to his doom.

El 2a3ma elli yenaggesoh zay elli yewaddeeh (Toned down for the female audience)

Peace

Strange really how a man changes in such short time lapses.

I remember a different me, no more than a year ago, someone who had ambitions, was always looking for change, on a constant look-out for exotic life-styles, I was on a journey of self-fulfillment then.

Things have changed greatly ever since, I'm a changed man, looking for steadiness, avoiding trouble, not sticking out of the crows and with no ambitions except to carry on with normal life at a steady slow pace.

Perhaps my age is finally starting to show, maybe it's the gratification of taking a large leap, or maybe now I have a lot to lose, so I'm preserving.

At any rate, I'm now enjoying the luxurious slow rhythm of life, which - I think - is good.

Mixed up ideals

Whatever happenned to this world, is being polite considered hypocricy?!!!

Have we - as a people - reached the point of confusing honesty with rudeness and recklessness?!!!

Is a person two-faced cause he was too embarassed to refuse a favour but wasn't happy about doing it?!!!

Is a person honest and courageous for speaking proudly of his sins without resenting or quitting them??!!!!

Wake up people, or we're all going down the drain (Even further).