Pants Down

Yep, that's right, I was caught with my pants down at work.

My beautiful sub-ordinate screwed up in one of our reports and I've failed to spot the error, the report was sent, decisions were taken based upon it.

Luckily the error wasn't big, the impact won't be impairing, but I hate to send wrong figures.

Nobody's spotted it and it's highly unlikely that anyone ever will.

But the fact remains that it could've been a grave error that would've lost us some real money.

I'm obliged to review his work in a more detailed manner going forward, which is practically like re-doing his work.

Meanwhile, I'll probably give him one last ultimatum to pull his act together.

When everything goes wrong

Ok, Sunday is the highlight of the week work-wise, I have 8 deadlines to meet on that day, so I like to arrive early at work on Sundays.

Today is one of those days where everything goes wrong:

1. The junior of the department showed up 90 minutes late (Why am I not surprised?), well, I anticipated that, so I started on his work for him so as not to create a bottle-neck, but when will he learn to be responsible?

The nice thing is when I told him to make sure to arrive on time on Sundays, he was furious, he went like "Should I wake up at 6 A.M.?".

well, I'm not asking him for something that I don't do, I wake up at 6 A.M., it's business (2akl 3eish), why the hell can't he understand that?!!!!

2. Logistics had a back-log, so they finished late, which means I start working on their reports at 11 A.M., WTF?!!!!

3. The god-damned system is down when it comes to those reports I was waiting for, how am I supposed to work, I've been sitting waiting for the generation of those reports for nearly 2 hours now, these are what I build my work on, I can't start without them.

This is just great!!!!!

Attendance

It has come to my attention that suddenly they've instructed the company's security to write our names down upon entering and leaving the company.

Now, to me, this is insulting, I do not need a security guy to monitor my movement, we're grown ups, task-oriented professionals, we shouldn't be held to time schedules, and sure as hell, I shouldn't be put under surveillance by some security guy.

They have time stamped ID's, we stamp on our way in and on our way out, this is sufficient.

Upon confronting the HR manager with this, he asked me the most stupid question ever.

"And what if you've given your ID to someone else to stamp for you?"

Now this is unheard of, if you don't trust us enough to finish our jobs and abide by the working hours, then just fire us, terminate our contracts, but this is insulting.

Honestly, have we reached the point where our employer distrusts us so much?

And for the record, I - complainer - happen to be the first one who shows up at the company premises, but I still find it insulting and degrading.

Mentally Cohesive

As some of you know, I have an online gaming addiction, I've formed a small collective of similar players, lately we've been joined by this Japanese guy.

Tbh, I'm having difficulty understanding what he has to say, his English is good, but his logic in forming sentences definitely defies my logic in understanding them, the below is a typical message of his:

Standard deviation is not acceptable for general climate variability.
It can be used if climate variation spectrum is "white".
Generally this planet climate is "ringing" with several resonances, or cicles, making standard deviation meaningless.

This was in response to a question I was asking about what the US foreign policy was headed with this world.

Can anyone help me understand what he's trying to say???

Swamped, cornered, choking

Looks like life is not about what I want anymore, it's again back to keeping everyone else happy.

I don't even have time of my own, everyone has to put in their sixpence on the apartment preparations for my upcoming marriage, how to handle things, what to do, what not to do.

I hate this, everyone wants to invite us or wants us to invite them.

I want to get this all over with and concentrate on more important things, like building a home, like building a life, but hell, no, everyone keeps swamping me with details, with phone calls, with early morning discussions while I'm having a leak.

Damn it people, I want no advice, no details, I hate details, I changed my job cause I hate details, I don't want to hear the words money of pound anymore, just release me.

I want my own time, my own life, I want to go home and speak of something other than carpenters, electricians, plumbers and masons.

Why can't everyone just leave me be?!!!!

I'm doing my part, compromising - yet again - to everyone, but I hate compromising to people's whims.

I don't mind standing up to my responsibilities, I don't mind urgency, I don't mind every possible nuisance, just walk all over me while you're at it.

I do mind indulging every person's priorities before my own, I do mind being held back to contemplate all the details, I do mind being cornered in a very tight schedule cause nobody wants to exert the effort of prioritising rationally.

Everyone, just fuck off!!!!!!

This is too much!!!!

It has been brought to my attention that someone has been drinking from my mug at work, none other than my new recruit.

Now, besides the fact that he has a cold, amongst other diseases, I don't drink in anyone's place, ba2raf.

Not to mention the fact that this mug was given to me as a gift, so it has a sentimental value.

When will people learn not to trespass on other people's property?!!!!

Hell, pay attention, FOCUS!!!!!

We come back today to episode 3 of the adventures of Slop and his apprentice Garada.

So, the guy worked yesterday on something I'd told him about, lo and behold, the Great Garada sends me the report without even bothering to check whether the totals match.

So, I have this, sales total = X, The breakdown of the sales by product = X+Y.

Can't he even match totals, has he finally taken leave of his senses??!!!!

Ok, back to finance 101 with you.

****Banging head on the desk ****

I'll be back after these messages.

Who's who?

Ok, so our CFO walked in on me about 10 minutes ago to ask me how the closing was going.

I know through my contacts that it's held due to technical issues with the system, but, it's not my job, I'm not involved with the monthly closing, accounting closes the period, I do the reporting and variance analysis.

Quite simple, why ask me, I already have too much on my hand, it's enough that I've got my normal work to go looking after other people's work.

This whole situation where all roles are mixed up is not comfortable at all, it hasn't yet been decided who I'm reporting to in the first place, neither is my title, job grade or whether I'm a department or I follow another department.

First settle these pendings then ask me to take over additional responsibilities, it's enough that I'm handling 4 countries unoffially

Interruptions

Why is it that people can't understand the word "I have work to do?"

Take today for example, my dad has trouble with his PC, I'm at work, obviously, I'm WORKING.

He calls me up, telling me that he has trouble, I tell him I can't help right now, and he decides to call some engineer to look at it, as obviously, he can't wait till I'm home tonight.

10 minutes later, he calls again to inform me that he called the guy, good news, I guess.

15 more minutes, "I wanna create a backup", ok, buy an external hard drive, he goes downstairs to buy a hard drive, then calls "What do I do with it?"

So, I gave him a crash course on copying and pasting.

Now, "It's taking too long to copy".

Oh, ffs, I'm trying to concentrate on my JOB, the one thats' paying my SALARY, what's so URGENT????????????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Jinx Part II

Another victim fell today, all back to normal.

Thank you so much, I've heard of instantaneous jinxes, but long acting ones, that's new.

He just can't

Obviously our CFO can't live without making absurd requests at the 11th hour, he's not even in the country, but god bless e-mails, just as I was hoping for a streamlined calm week as well.

He wants us to report today, how so, when there is a global system problem with closing 2008, not all the balances have been moved yet, this is already HQ's problem, not our's, there's a whole freeze on reporting till IT resolve the issue.

But, hell no, report offline, so now I'm expected to go ask each and every single accountant what pending items he has, consolidate those, add them to whatever's on the system, and obtain a "rough estimate" of the results.

Hell, the figures will be gravely wrong, we all know that, but like a kid sneeking on his christmas gift, he's impatient to know the results.

I mean, Corporate IT created this mess, why should Egypt's reporting come with a manual walk-around, and what's the hurrryyyyyyy|!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Jinx

So, I've been jinxed, by none other than someone who used to be a very close friend until recently.

When I saw the look on his face on that day, I knew something was going gravely wrong on the spot, and guess what, almost everything did.

From the illness over the weekend, to my car breaking down momentarily (Never did it before), to my dad's car burning, only one thing was done properly, but I will not reveal it yet.

It really amazes me, how can someone hate you so, as to wish you sadness.

Perhaps it's time I saw some witch-doctor after all.

Where to from here??!!!

This day is looking brighter by the moment.

I'm helpless to help my friends who have been fired from their jobs as a result of the recession.

I have no data whatsoever for this freaking direct cashflow, indirect I can handle, but direct means I have to dig deep, which - unfortunately - means I have to sit with the accountants so they'll give me their data.

I have no clue when I'm leaving work, which really pisses me off, it's like being tied up on a leash to the boss.

I'm tired of being cornered wherever I look.

Last but not least, I don't feel like working or going home. 

The Swindler

By definition, the swindler is the one who screws you up while you're happy about it.

Unfortunately, that's part of my job, swindling people, my job, however, does not include the stealing part of a swindler's job.

Basically, what I do is try to keep everyone happy and convinced that they got away with what they wanted, when in fact, they got away with what I wanted them to get away with.

It doesn't really matter what they want, what really matters is does what they want fit within the whole context of what the business needs??

So, I convince them that they don't really need what they wanted, what they need is to fall within the overall context, someone's gotta lose at the end, it won't be me.

So, here I am, caught between 3 parties, with 3 different agendae:

A. Business Owner. (Max return on investment)

B. Top Management. (Play it Safe)

C. Individual Directors. (Smaller target with a higher Budget)

With poor little old me trying to please them all, no way, except, The Swindler.

Otherwise, they get someone else to do it for them and I'm on the streets.

Any0ne have anything to add??

This is too much

How come business owners believe they own their employees??!!!!

I mean, take today for example, "Shamel, we're changing some figures in the budget, so we'll be staying late"

I go, alter all my plans to be somewhere else tonight, cancel previous engagements.

Then at 8:30 P.M. "Shamel, let's make it tomorrow"

This is too much, how fucked up is hanging people on a wire, screwing up their day, just in case?!!!!

Jeeezzzz, it feels like I was bought in a slave market, next they'll ask me to cook or dance for them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Budget 5th Run!!!!

Now, I'm really pissed, having to wait till the last moment before they review the budget, now they just want better results.

I mean, I raised the red flag last month, what more early warnings do they need to make up their minds on where they want it to go????

Ok, today I wait for the latest figures, ETA 11:30 PM, when my deadline was yesterday, I can't believe that for the first time, I had to send an apology to HQ telling them that management are still sceptic of the figures.

I hate to look bad with the talk of promotion lurking in the air.

Do your jobs, damn it!!!!!!

Deadline Watchers

I hate those, I'm usually on or ahead of schedule, really pisses me off to have to deal with deadline watchers.

Take the last 2 days for example, these sorry asses have had almost 2 months to prepare the budget, but how come?

Hell, no, let's cram this nerd in finance, let's just send him the data he needs 1 day before his deadline.

So now, I've been working none-stop for 2 days, just so these lame asses can work on the last day, needless to say that everything went wrong, from wrong assumptions to contradicting figures, so I just had to over-ride their figures and replace with my own calculations.

Damn, tomorrow will be a hell of a day with me trying to prove them all wrong and them trying to prove me an arrogant highly over-rated geek.

God help us all when the trend becomes like this in the last 7 companies.........

The best day to fall ill

Is when you have 7 deadlines to meet and you have to work from home, so you're not really off.

I need a break, and I definitely need an assistant

Ooooppppsssss!!!!

Ok, so here's the situation, I went out with a very dear and old friend yesterday evening, forgot to get some money from the ATM, she was kind enough to pay, after I drove her home, I stopped by the bank to withdraw some cash out of the ATM machine.

Now, for those who don't know, I've just changed jobs and they insist on transferring payrolls to a bank I don't deal with, so they opened me an account, I received the ATM card last sunday, so yesterday was the first try with this bank.

Ok, enter pincode, pincode entered, card jumps out in my face, "We're sorry, no options available for your card".

I call them up today, they tell me the following:

Customer Service (CS) : "Sorry Sir, but since you sent a runner to pick up your card, we de-activated it first".
Me: "Ok, now can you re-activate it?"
CS: "You need to show up at the branch to do that"
Me: "Where's your branch"
CS: "It opens up on Sunday 8:30 AM"
Me: "Couldn't you have told me about it earlier, it's friday, how am I to make it through the weekend with 10 EGP in my wallet?"
CS: "I apologize, nothing we can do about it"

.... The rest has been monitored as this page is not rated as XXX.

So, here I am at 10 AM, with 10 EGP through the weekend, just borrowed some money from my dad, which is something I don't like.

Don't you love our banking system?!

Territorial Boundaries

As far back as I can remember, there's always been a scene that really provoked me, it's something we see in everyday life.

When you see a couple walking down the street or sitting somewhere, with the guy having his arm around her shoulder, not in a passionate caring way, but in a sort of "You're mine" way.

Each time I see this, I'm tempted to walk over, explain to him the traditional ways of territory control, such as pissing on the tables, ejaculating on the walls, shitting around the corners and of course, let us not forget the occasional howl for any other would be alpha male in the vicinity.

I mean, in all honesty, what's the difference between such a guy and a dumb tomcat living at your place, they both want to claim the territory, along with any females in the vicinity.

I don't mind the occasional exercise of protection, I practice it myself from time to time, but this only happens when the girl I'm with attracts the wrong sort of attention from people in the vicinity, it's a sort if "I'm here, so no monkey business please"

Another thing that I find rather amusing, is the routine of double dates that get split halfway, when one of the guys decides he needs to check out something in a nearby shop or something, ofcourse, he takes one of the girls with him, you should see the attitude the other guy gets when he's alone with the other girl for the first time, he can finally start to look all-seeing, all-knowing.

He sits up in his chair, starts raising his voice a bit (A notion of confidence), begins speaking about work, the hardships of life, how his parents misunderstand him, and what brilliant ideas for mankind he has.

Try getting into his head for a while, one thing is there most probably, but we needn't discuss that.

Now, my question is, when you're out on a date, are you there to enjoy the company of the lady or are you there so people can see you have a lady??

I could go on forever, but I'm due at work in 1 hour, so let's leave it here.