Drained

You know, I'm pretty much drained, I think too much of many unrelated things, I try to relate them to each other.

It's like my thoughts are a flock of sheep, with me as the herder, You chase one, another two move out in two random directions, you can never account for all of them.

I used to find solace in long working hours followed by an exhausted sleep, not anymore, my mind keeps straying, I wanna be in multiple places simultaneously, I need to finish my work cause I'm needed somewhere else, so I'm not finishing my job as needed, which leaves me even more drained when I go next day to find that the load will increase cause I didn't get eveything done right on the first time.

Even sleeping has become a problem for me, these dreams, I'm not the sort of person who'll dream of nightmarish creatures, but my worst mightmares are usually associated with unexpected bad findings, the stuff only a sick mind like mine can imagine.

Someone commented that I'm unable to focus for the last week or so, it's very true, I never had that issue before, we'd start a conversation and mid-way I'd forget what we're talking about, yesterday my mom asked me if I wanted to have supper, I kept staring at her till she actually screamed at me "SHAMEL, SUPPER?????"

I know it annoys people, but I can't help it, my mind is wandering off in the darkest recesses of my memories.

Yesterday a friend caught me speaking to myself while driving, I had remembered an old conversation, about 6 years old, and I suddenly started repeating what I'd said and correcting my answers.

While I was driving home tonight, it suddenly struck me that I've never broken up with my ex, we suddenly stopped speaking, I was 23 at the time, I had just graduated, was too busy with work, all I remember is that I started working in July, she stopped calling me in September, I noticed in February, when I did call her, she'd already given up and gotten engaged, not that I blame her.

That's the price I paid for trying to make up ground on the career front.

When I come to think of it, maybe it's for the best, since it was obviously doomed anyway, but I think I'm the only guy to forget he has a gf, lol.

I've let a lot of people down in my younger days, maybe that's what's driving me now, I don't want to let people down again, most of all, I no longer want to let myself down.