My mom is a member of a choir, she likes to sing and it fills up her life a bit, since - regrettably - I'm not there for her as much as I hope, I'd been shutting myself up in my room for the last 14 years, only come out during meal times.
They have 2 performances a year, on 2 consecutive days, yesterday was the first, today the second.
Anyway, I didn't intend to attend her annual performance yesterday as I was out of mood, my dad couldn't attend as well as he's ill.
I went home after work, opened up a bottle of beer and decided tonight was one to drink, make fun of people and shut the world out, when my dad knocked on my door and told me that my mom was ill and would only be singing on the first performance and that she had called him and told him she was very frustrated at me for not being there.
Anyway, I got up, got dressed in my finest suit, went over to attend.
I arrived after it had started, so I waited till the entre'acte, then went over to her, hugged her, and for the first time, my mom cried on my shoulder, she was very happy that I took the trouble and went.
You should've seen her showing me around to her friends, calling them over "That's my son", I was happy for her and I regret the many times I let her down.
I wanna make it up to her, I was very selfish, too indulged in my own grief to actually notice how we made her feel at home, that she actually sought a life elsewhere.
I wanna take her out next friday, along with my dad, not sure where though.
On a brighter note, I'd been trying to make contact with a fellow blogger, yesterday when I returned home, I found him online, we had a brief but good talk, I hope I didn't bore him to death, he's a good guy who'll grow up to see the world isn't about decisions one day, it's about how you handle them.
I feel I must apologise for being royally boring during the last couple of days, I had lost something dear to me and was trying to regain my self-esteem, coming to terms with loss does that to me.
Special thanks to Sand for letting me see it, even if the words were rough around the edges, I was losing something more important, your words made me regain them (It's the post I deleted).
Also for a very old friend for being here when needed most, I know it was difficult, I'm not sure you read my blog anymore, but just in case you do, I owe you this one amopngst a lot of other things.
It's 8:15, I'm due at City Stars at 9:00.
I'll see you all soon, hope not to bore you all again.
Slop out!!!!
Miss my Blog
9 years ago
6 comments:
Important reminder acceptance of loss is not equal depression just keep that in mind.. Beside why am I being thanked I don't get it ??
You scolded me 2 days ago, told me something I'd already known, but needed someone else to say it, I was going somewhere I hadn't been to in a while.
it sucks how sometimes we forget how our parents need us (emotionlly) when we grow up, and become so immersed in our busy lives and forget that now the table have turned and they need to feel welcomed in our lived, not shoved out.
I did not shove them out, they were interfering too much with my life, so I made a comunication blackout, they know nothing about me, except what everybody else knows.
The drawback is that this has made it impossible for us to have a conversation as we have nothing in common anymore.
I know what you mean it's something we all do as soon as we grow up, teenagers tend to feel that their parents are interfering TOO MUCH in their life and don't trust them, so they don't tell them everything sometimes even nothing, and then they grow up realize that they have absolutely nothing in common with their parents, some try hard to reestablish the connection some don't bother.
I am not say this is what happened with you (only you know) but it's just a general thing I noticed about most people.
yes i do feel that they need us and expected us to be there when they need us as they were when we needed them.
give them part of ur time not to tell them ur problems but why not trying listening to theirs just to show them u care.
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